VI — Much Better — Aspie I Am

Around August of 2019, a newly trained psychiatrist in Chicago heard my statement: “I think that I’m probably 2–3% Autistic (Asperger’s) (sic). He asked me a few questions, and then said something like: “I can say with 100% certainty that you are not autistic!”

It is probably reasonable to respond to a statement such as: “The world is flat!” — with a statement such as: “You are 100% wrong!” Often, however, life situations are very different from the example give which is a “cut and dry” factual statement. It is generally not a good idea to say things similar to what the psychiatrist said to me. The impact upon the recipient of such statements, even when the odds may be significant that the statement is correct, can be significant.

In December, 2019, at the suggestion of my partner, I took an online test intended to determine if I am autistic (Asperger’s). The results clearly showed that I am autistic. As I read more and more, the validity of this conclusion became more and more obvious. My writing: “I’m Out — On the Spectrum” — January 12, 2020 — https://www.georgemarx.org/2020/01/within-past-few-days-i-have-learned.html — explains more of how I felt then.

Reflecting, feeling, learning and similar about my autism has been very, very helpful for me! Often the light in rooms is too bright. Then I’m very uncomfortable! At other times, similar lighting may not bother me. I fixate on seemingly small things, and have trouble letting go of the thoughts and feelings I have related to them.

I can also really focus deeply upon listening to another person, totally letting go of everything else. Significant parts of their subjective reality can become clear easily to me often. On rare occasions, I can’t understand others at all!

Life is very challenging in some situations. In other ways I may seem to be totally “normal”. Often I take things very personally, where that was the intent or not. Where someone says something meaningful, I’m “in love” with them in that moment. When I take the words as criticism, I feel devastated.

Often there is magic in my autism support group! Hearing others’ truths is amazing! Their experiences often aren’t similar to my reality, but what they say may still resonate deeply. Neurotypical people may react similarly with each other in some life situations. Sharing a common experience of losing a parent at a young age is one such example. Coping with the seeming traumas of a teenage child is another.