MOVING TOWARDS POSITIVE, HEALTHY, WHITE MASCULINITY (I)

Moving Towards Positive, Healthy, White Masculinity is a major part of my journey. It is lifelong, with multiple significant parts. Healing from my childhood and ancestral trauma is significant. Parts of my trauma can easily derail me.

Late one night I was driven to the emergency room in intense pain, with what turned out to be kidney stones. In this “crisis state” I could only focus upon surviving each moment. Similarly, when deeply struggling physically or emotionally, moving forward requires significantly lighter pain.

Being uncomfortable, and feeling discomfort, is common for me. It isn’t helpful in situations such as when worrying about my weight, or whether I will be calm at an upcoming social occasion.

Some discomfort can be most useful for me. Being a Clinic Escort is challenging. Being male in predominantly female space can make me anxious. Seeing young women and girls enter an Abortion Clinic looking sleep deprived and scared, brings both anger and sadness deep within me.

This — is what I would call “good” or “helpful” — stress. Being privileged and in “other” space gives me a glimpse of a lot that I Do Not Otherwise Face. Significant growth can grow within me when I delve deeply within my spirit. Such movement can go into a “nirvana” of self-centeredness. I try, instead, to use my curiosity, both outwardly and inwardly, learning — and taking in valuable Significant Fairy Dust.