IX — Much Better — Depression has been My Middle Name

Depression has been my Middle Name throughout much of my Adult Life. Fortunately — since 2017 — I’ve not felt it coming into my being — beyond odd moments — which have left me relatively soon thereafter.

I’m no expert about what depression is, what causes it, or most anything else about it — beyond how it has affected me and how wonderful it has been to not have to struggle with it recently.

Depression for me has always been a painful aloneness — when I’ve questioned much of my value — and been thoroughly uncomfortable. While I’ve never been, nor felt suicidal when depressed, I have questioned — whether life is valuable or potentially good during the worst of my depressions.

My first conscious memories of depression are at age 18, when away starting my regular university study. During my childhood, undoubtedly, I was also depressed for significant period of time. Life as a child was lonely. Having insecure attachment with my parents — and feeling — Alone — without emotional support certainly helped me beginning — of Depression.

When away at college — I lived for months on end — alternating my days — between — being among other people — trying to fit in (and failing miserably), and staying alone — apart — not trying to be with anyone beyond what I absolutely had to.

I remember — sitting alone in Gordon Commons, the dining hall for the SouthEast Dorms at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. A fellow first year student…