How Do We (Show That WE) Care — as Men?

What does it mean for me to be “a man” in comparison to someone I know being “a woman”? It means a lot, and at the same time it can mean nothing. Growing up I felt isolated from others — very alone. In significant ways it might have been similar if I had been a girl child, though I’ll never really know.

I remember when I first started developing pubic hair and entered teenage life as a boy. I would guess that it was significantly different from having a period and breasts growing as girls experience life. Others must have seen me, judging me by how old they perceived I was, rather than by knowing that I had entered puberty, as girls often can be perceived, when their breasts begin to grow.

There was no issue of others seeking me out as a sexual being. I remember as a ninth grader being asked out for a “girl ask boy” dance. I was scared, and declined the invitation. At the few occasions I was out where things were “traditional”, I sat alone and felt very, very alone. In some ways it might have been similar for some girls. At the same time, I was “invisible” to others. It didn’t matter what I was wearing, nor how my hair looked, and of course there was no issue of me having makeup on then.

I can not imagine the pressures that girls often must face being pursued for sex, as teenagers. “Does he like me, or does he just want sex?” — is an image that was far, far from any possible reality in my life.