As a white man partnered with an incredible Black Woman for nearly twenty years, I have two reactions to your words. On a feelings level - you are 100% on target! The insensitivity - and overt and nearly overt racism - and its impact upon you is obvious. You attempting - to "accept" it at first is also understandable.

On a practical level, I look at it very differently. When a woman is raped by a man distant from her male partner, the existing relationships fail within 12-18 months about 50% of the time. The stress on the relationship - is great.

A Black-white partnered relationship is inherently challenging in ways that a Black/Black or white/white relationship are not challenged. Where a white potential partner Either does Not Grow Significantly - in relationship - or enter it with some significant understandings - and also Grow at least Moderately - the white individual will likely let their partner down -in the long-term and either cause the relationship to fail - or be a Huge compromise for the Black Partner.

I can Understand racism - in my head. I can't feel it in my heart. It moves into my heart - yes - but it starts in my head - because - Prior to my current relationship, it wasn't my Lived Experience - particularly growing up white in a white world.